February 9, 2021

Today is special. It’s my late brother Nambi’s birthday.

Nambi struggled with drug addiction since he was about 13 y/o, and he unfortunately lost that battle last year on 5/18/20.

Nambi found pleasure in poetry, and I wanted to share with you his intimate poem – “This Life of Mine” – that metaphorizes his raw and uncut life and the demons he battled over the course of his prematurely abridged life.

Note, poet Amy McKenzie wrote a commemorative poem for him called “A Return to Kindness,” and Nambi’s poem (below) was featured as the capstone piece in an evening of poetry readings dedicated to African Americans.

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This Life of Mine
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All my hostility
Reflects my inability
To find peace and her sister tranquillity
Let alone my mental stability
Ain’t nobody feeling me or healing me
And it[‘]s killing me
For it’s a struggle in this life of mine

I was supposed to be blessed but the stress wasn’t hard to find
Worry came in a hurry
Success began to undress
She couldn’t cope
That b**** success lost all hope and hung herself from a rope
Desire… turned out to be a damn liar
Success confessed
With Ambition and Intuition
They met Conspire
Now it’s time to retire
Because together
That’s the three elements of fire

And what do you think about the possibility
Of using the ability of hostility
To bring back some tranquility
Which is required for peace

I don’t know cause Hostility uses Anger
And my muthaf***ing anger’s a beast
Because of the anger
People’s lives would be in danger
For Loss and Chaos are no longer a stranger

And the reason for all this mess is the concept of Success
And to this day I can’t understand why
That b**** challenged Failure to a game of chess

Inside I’m void
Too tired to be paranoid
Concepts of pain and neglect keep coming out the side of my neck
For inside my mind there’s too many mysteries to dissect
Too many pieces to this puzzle
And the voices I hear require a muzzle
And believe me from the fountain of peace
My soul requires a guzzle

There’s just too much frustration from the lack of communication
Which has led to withdraw[al from] social relation
Therefore masturbation
For it’s a lonely road to a[n] unseen destination
Now you understand all rage and fury behind my situation
Simplicity requires mastering well aspects of complication
And I thank the Lord Jesus Christ in heaven
For handing me my resignation.

–Nambi Gamet