Weâre excited to offer the fourth in Eric Burnhamâs five-part series on “The Four Agreements,” by bestselling author Don Miguel Ruiz. In the book, Ruiz reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, The Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love.
Don’t Make Assumptions
Assumptions are toxic and corrosive. They erode personality and mental stability, causing people to approach social interactions in a schizophrenic way. A real I-want-but-I-don’t philosophy takes hold. An assumption is something presupposed, something taken as a given based on emotional reasoning rather than logic.Â
Assumptions prove to be false more often than not. They are erroneous for two primary reasons: First, they are formed with very little information and few actual facts. Second, since they are driven by emotions and insecurities, they almost always flow from the worst possible scenarios.Â
Self-confidence and self-efficacy, which is one’s belief in his or her ability to accomplish a given task or perform under pressure, are immediately disrupted by assumptions. Once you assume what others are thinking, feeling, or doing, you’re no longer on firm footing, and you’re no longer in control of yourself. You limit your options. You react to something you don’t know to be true, putting yourself at a significant disadvantage emotionally.Â
Have you ever thought someone was bad-mouthing you or laughing at you behind your back? You then react to that assumption, avoiding or challenging that person, even though your suspicions haven’t been confirmed, only to later find out you were incorrect in your assumption. You come off looking like a fool, and others begin to doubt your mental stability.Â
When you make assumptions and react to them, you’re not as confident or decisive as you could be because you’re operating from the emotional part of your mind, which was never intended to drive the train because it does not take factual information into account. It bases decisions on a reality of its own making, rather than objective reality. Repeated occurrences of reacting to your assumptions and later finding out that you were wrong is damaging to the spirit, opening the door for self-doubt to take root in your personality. If not dealt with properly, self-doubt leads to masking and over-compensation.Â
Masking is essentially hiding from reality, putting on a front and keeping the world away from the real you. But the other side of that coin is that you keep the real you from the world, never allowing your unique light to shine. Eventually, you’ll begin to over-compensate for every perceived weakness in a thinly-veiled attempt to show the world you’ve got it all together, that you’ve got it all figured out. But you don’t. None of us do. We are all navigating life on earth with limited information. We function best when we have as much information as we can get before we make decisions.Â
Don’t make assumptions about others or what you think others think of you. You simply don’t know, and rushing to judgment does not provide the safety it promises. Gather more information before reacting in your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. You’ll feel better, and you’ll be far less anxious. Your life goes on either way, but you have the choice to make assumptions or not. Therefore, you have the choice to pursue well-being… or not.
It’s not too often that we take time in our day to reflect on the many good things we have: a job, healthy kids, a home in a safe neighborhood, food on the table, and the list could obviously go on for pages. After all, we are so preoccupied with the hustle and bustle of day-to-day affairs, doing everything we can to stay on top of our responsibilities; who has time to stop what they’re doing, ponder life’s blessings, and truly be grateful for them without thinking about what we need to get done the next day â or even an hour from now? But doing this is actually as critical as taking care of all the obligations we give so much of our attention to.
I have indeed found myself contemplating, more and more, the many blessings I have, even in my current circumstance which is inherently negative. But this is not entirely voluntary; allow me to explain.
I work for an addictions treatment program. Every day we start the group session with a daily reflection read from a book, and each person says why or how it resonates with him, followed by what is called a Daily Moral Inventory (DMI). When we check in for the DMI, each person says how the previous day went, what they’re grateful for, what they regret (if anything), etc. This expectation can at times seems repetitive, but I’ve learned that it’s a healthy practice to get into because if I were not “required” to do it, I likely wouldn’t “have time” to reflect on what I’m grateful for, in spite of my physical circumstance. Instead, I’d either keep my head down and stay focused on my job, my next goal, or find myself complaining about what is not going well in my life.Â
It’s entirely too easy to fall into a pattern of allowing good fortune in our lives to go unacknowledged as we focus our attention on the next goal or responsibility we want and/or need to carry out. This is a harmful practice, however, because it is essential to our psychological well-being that we take time to “pat ourselves on the back” for things we’ve accomplished, appreciate the things and people that make our lives more purposeful and fulfilling, and be grateful for opportunities that others have not had in life. Doing this has allowed me to refocus my efforts, while doing my part to “pay it forward” in others’ lives when I’m given the opportunity to do so.
I intend to keep this practice of daily reflection and gratitude going even after I release from prison because it’s shown me how to ground myself on a daily basis. Life is entirely too short not to celebrate our good fortune and acknowledge how others have enriched our lives.
I take time to acknowledge and be appreciative that I can fulfill my dream of becoming a drug and alcohol counselor. I get to work for a successful treatment program in a prison setting, and teach groups and individuals about addiction and recovery, decreasing their likelihood to recidivate after they are released. I have had the rare opportunity to earn a Master’s degree in prison that, according to statistics, gives me a 0% chance to recidivate. Moreover, it enables me to go directly into my field with a level of credibility and respect that I never imagined coming into prison 14 years ago.
These are a few of the many things I take time to appreciate as often as I can. Life has enough struggles to complain about; therefore, I owe it to myself (as do you) to cast as much sunshine on my day as possible â by counting my blessings.
I was caught in the web of the tainted justice system and my freedom depends on this…. Please read this and you will understand why I need your help.
I was charged with possession of a firearm by a prohibited person due to a conviction from over 15 years ago. Here’s where it gets tricky. Texas state law says I can own a firearm after 10 years but that conflicts with federal law. Federal law says I may never own a firearm again. I did not know this at the time. Now here I am facing a 10 year prison sentence for a law I had no idea I was breaking.
I paid my debt to society when I was 18 years old. But now 15 years later the government feels I should pay that debt again because their law conflicts with my states laws. To me, that is something the lawmakers need to work out and fix. Why are the citizens always the ones to suffer? In this case it’s not just me who suffers, it’s my children as well. They need their dad, but do you think the government cares about that? NOPE! This is a loophole in the justice system and it’s about to cost me my freedom if I do not hire a good attorney.
This is the same thing the government is doing to the marijuana companies. The state allows them to sell the marijuana but the Feds then kick in the doors of the stores and arrest them and make them pay for their freedom back. Only difference is…. I’m not a company and cannot afford to hire an attorney. I am a father of two and have a family to support and I need your help.
I’ve never done this before but it’s my last resort. If you can’t donate please share my story with anyone you can. And if you would like to contact me personally my email is lawrencearcher83@yahoo.com. this is not a scam…it’s my life and very real. Thanks in advance to anyone who decides to help. Anything is a blessing. Even if it’s a dollar. God bless you all.
Everything we do revolves around the mail, and opening our post office box is a daily adventure. This week, we received a handful of unexpected donations in the mail – just in time for our volunteer work sessions this weekend.
Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to angels Laurie and Nicole, who donated items in December and January; and to Wendy, Laura, and an anonymous donor who sent items this week. Because of your gifts, hundreds of inmates will hear their name at mail call in the coming weeks.
On this day, which is almost nine years in the making, I wish to dedicate this AI blog post to Michael Henderson. Michael’s hearing is today (finally!) and I am in attendance (we are finally in the same room!).
I have known Michael for going on three years. The past two he has spent in the Pinellas County Jail, most of that time waiting on his Public Defender to show up. Very rarely did he put in an appearance, nor did he accomplish one single thing in 20 months to progress Michael’s case. With thanks to a benefactor, his paid attorneys have taken the bull by the horns and the hearing is finally taking place today, Friday, March 16.
In the time Michael and I have known each other, we have exchanged countless letters and emails (not to mention spent a small fortune on phone calls – you’re welcome GTL!). Though I am quite biased, Michael’s words are pure treasure. In honor of his big day, the purpose of this post is to share some of his words with you:
“I have been blessed with an understanding of the difference between what I need and what I think I need.”
“I can tell you, without reservation, that some of the best people I have met in my life have been here in prison. The stories behind each one are as varied as the individuals who live it.”
“If prison doesn’t teach you patience, tolerance, and humility, you probably aren’t teachable.”
“Keep strong in all you face, tempered with compassion, topped with love.”
“A slice of life only tastes really good when you share it with a friend; otherwise you keep eating humble pie.”
“I wonât claim to have all the answers, but I will ask the questions, and hopefully, thatâs a starting point. As for my part, I pledge to have personal accountability and invite anyone to join me, whether you are in a prison or a palace, change starts with you.”
“No matter how long I’m in prison, I will not allow prison to reside in me.”
“It’s not rocket surgery.”
Please take a moment to send a blessing to whatever power you believe rules the universe for our incarcerated loved ones everywhere. And remember – do all things with Love.
Sunday was Daylight Saving Time, so even though you set your clocks forward, we are rolling back prices! JPay is offering 10% off stamp purchases today through Friday, March 16, 2018!
We hope this promotion makes it a little bit easier to stay connected with your loved ones. You may purchase the promotional stamp packages on JPay.com, the JPay mobile app or by calling our toll-free number, 1-800-574-5729. This promotion is only valid for friends and family, not incarcerated individuals.
PLEASE NOTE: The 10% off discount is already reflected in the price shown on JPay.com and the JPay mobile app. The current purchase price reflects the discount, which means the discount wonât be imposed during checkout, rather the promotional price is currently displayed.
Participating locations: California (only California Institution for Women, California Substance Abuse Treatment Facility, Central California Womenâs Facility, High Desert State Prison, Kern Valley State Prison, Marin County Jail, TAFT Correctional Institution), Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, New Jersey, North Dakota, Ohio, Tennessee (only West Tennessee State Prison), Texas, Virginia, Washington and Wisconsin (only Milwaukee House of Corrections).
Promotion valid from Monday, March 12th, 2018 at 9:00 AM EST until Friday, March 16th, 2017 at 9:00 PM EST.
Note: Combine this discount with our trick (email us or comment on this post for details) to get 60 stamps for $9.00Â during this promotion.
What a name, right? When I intially read this title I thought to myself, “There’s no way there’s any truth to this statement!” Then I began to read and was quickly proven wrong.
If you’re familar with comedian, brash in-your-face radio personality Charlamagne, you already know he speaks authentically about what’s on his mind, telling his audience not what they want to hear but what he believes to be true â period! In this book he stays true to his personality and this principle.
This is easily one of the most honest memoirs I’ve ever read. Charlamagne is not afraid to reveal his many insecurities, criticisms from the media and other prominent people he’s faced, and the most difficult and darkest times he encountered on his way to stardom and national fame. Black Privilege is not what you might think it means: it is not asserting that black people have an inherent privilage in society that is not available for non-black people. Instead, he espouses the notion that regardless of who you are â black, gay, disabled, etc. â you must first own who you are and, in spite of it, become a “privileged” person by pressing forward to evolve into the best version of yourself you can be. He illustrates the importance of not allowing whatever your insecurities or shortcomings are to inhibit your potential and success is. He conveys this strong message through his own story of triumph.
Charlamagne delivers his usual comedy that is so unfiltered and politically incorrect that you’re almost afraid to laugh out loud. He reveals the names of his rivals and provides insights into some of his most infamous moments and feuds with celebrities in the music industry; he simply doesn’t care. He tells his audience how he feels about those confrontations and why he’s grateful for having faced them throughout his career. Although he uses this platform to air his frustrations with people he’s encountered along the way, he’s not merely gossiping to sell books â there’s an underlying principle, life lesson in them.
The entire time I read this book, I felt as though he was not the celebrity that has become a household name, but rather a guy I could have easily known and hung out with in my neighborhood growing up. He speaks honestly and candidly about the hardships he encountered growing up, encouraging his readers to not allow their difficult circumstances to suppress their self-confidence and ultimately the pursuit of their goals.
What is especially easy to relate to and grab ahold of in Charlamagne’s story are the nuggets of wisdom that he offers in the form of colorful language. Again, staying true to his comedic roots, he touts principles to live by with semi-humorous yet keenly astute phrases that he has relied on to overcome his circumstances and attain impressive success. If you’re one of those who appreciates quotes to live by, you certainly will not be disappointed with this book.
Black Privilege is inspirational, refreshingly honest, very easy and entertaining to read, and well written. It speaks to the kid who grew up in rural South Carolina and the kid who hailed from the metropolis of New York City. I found myself laughing out loud at times, while, surprisingly, feeling very sympathetic at other times. This book resonated with me because it could have been my story or anyone else’s I know. I firmly believe you will come away feeling the same after you’ve read it.
Hello Everyone! I love that I get to learn something new every day no matter where I am in life or actuality. Today I learned that this topic (Hate Mail) is an ongoing series on the blog. Yea Missy!
Just a reminder, I’m still housed at the county jail facility, back from prison fighting for justice; and I say that to say this, the problems that we prisoners have sending and receiving our mail is endemic throughout not only the prisons, but also the jails. And not in any geographical or jurisdictional sense, this particular issue pervades the entire system at every level; local, state and federal.
How might someone in my position here in a county jail in Florida know this? Here in the Pinellas County Jail is a federal holding facility for the Middle District Federal Court in Tampa, and there are county-leased jails all over the country as it must be less costly for the feds and more profitable for the county jails; not to mention the federal cops will chase you down anywhere for placing a stamp cooked on an envelope. Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration… maybe.
Let’s look at the most recent action of errant-ry. If a person is indigent, in this county jail, you are permitted four legal mail envelopes per month through the law library by application as they are guarding those priceless folded and gum-stripped sheets of wood pulp from nefarious and unscrupulous users such as myself. I used one of the said envelopes to communicate my grievance of an appeal that’s best addressed in another article. The envelope, which was addressed to the Colonel of the jail, the highest ranked officer of the facility, was returned to me three days after I mailed it because someone deposited twenty dollars on my account some time between mailing and vetting. Instead of simply forwarding the envelope via in-house mail delivery… across the parking lot, they consumed the hourly wage rate of the law librarian, which certainly surpasses the forty-nine cents it would have cost to process the letter through the U.S. mail, to return the letter to me with instructions to open and return the contents and then destroy the envelope. This begs the question: What?
It’s the spend a dollar to save a dime mentality that connotes the need to make sure that people in custody are feeling the full force of those who must believe it’s their job to mete out punishment by way of mail interrupt-us.
It does get funny at times, though. I mean really funny. I had my best person in the world go onto the Florida DOC website to send me a location finder for Florida prisons; an outline of the state with the prison locations, no roads, no highways, or byways or parkways or even driveways. Alas, it was returned because we are not permitted to receive maps; just in case we get out of the myriad of locked doors and miles of razor wire, they don’t want us to find our way around or through the armies of law enforcement. I informed the mail room this outline had none of the attributes of a map and this is available to DOC prisoners from the DOC themselves. Under my suggestion, my love returned it to me with “This is not a map.” written boldly across the top. Lo and behold, the paper came to me this time and has been the subject of a great many he-haws since.
I don’t know if that is topped by this fact, but it is in the running: Among the crazy list of do-not-sends is newspaper or magazine articles or book passages torn from a publication. I have not been able to get any answer at all why this prohibition is in place, and I have asked, except that it is because it is. However, all you have to do is – put them on a copier, copy them onto a plain white piece of paper and then send it in. It will get to you. And, oddly enough, I have sent others articles ripped from magazines with no issue at all. If anyone can come up with any guess as to what logic may be applied here, I’d be so relieved to know what even your best guess might be since I’ve exhausted more brain cells trying to figure this one out than all others combined.
For a jolt of reality, David Goldberg explains in the clearest and most understood terms why those among us that have imposed self importance and insignificance have gotten it all wrong.
If you’ve been afraid to try and understand life on both the grandest and the smallest of scales, this book shows you the truth; it’s all the same. Not only does it explain the complexities of structure, but it also shows the simplicity of chaos. Many questions that man has sought the answers to may never be answered, but many of the questions that have never been asked are now seen to be less and less important.
Though this book expresses no theological ideas at all, you can’t help but argue intelligent design. Not to push anyone’s religion, but the symmetry in everything, including the man made institutions, is astounding.
For those of us who are America’s incarcerated, by looking at the inter-connectedness that we should be experiencing, the Universe is beckoning us to realize that the way to this awakening is right before us in everything – every day. If only we could get this message across the board, then we could begin to change the world we live in.
That is what David Goldberg attempts to accomplish by injecting humor, wit and everyday language into one of the most intimidating subjects man has undertaken – physics.
After reading this fun and incredibly eye opening book, all I can say is, lighten up everybody; it ain’t rocket surgery.
 
