I’m still feeling a little down about last week’s execution. They killed Mark Asay on the 24th. I had honestly expected him to get a stay. Florida was using a new drug, etomidate. Mark was the guinea pig. I sincerely believe the courts would let them shoot us full of rat poison, but this is the first time a new drug was used without hearings.
The media said Florida changed drugs because they were concerned that midazolam had the potential to cause unnecessary suffering. This is total bullshit. They changed drugs because no one would sell them midazolam. It is a nationwide problem which, unfortunately, Florida may just have solved.
The media made Mark out to be a white supremacist and this is also false. I can’t say who he was while free, but I’ve known the dude for 26 years and he wasn’t the person they made him out to be on TV. Mark walked up to my bars in ’91 while coming in from the yard. I had just been moved onto a permanent wing, and still wasn’t allowed outside. He said, “You have friends here.” That meant a lot to me.
Prison is a place full of people doing creepy shit, and some of them like nothing better than trying to take advantage of anyone new. Dudes who go out of their way to make you feel welcome, especially when you don’t know what to expect, stand out in my mind.
I also remember singing a Hank Jr. song, Family Tradition with Mark in the visit park. That had to be in ’92, and it stands out as I am not a fan of country.
It took a lot out of Mark when his mom died in a car accident, and by all accounts he had lost the will to live at the end. That is why we still don’t know how the high court may feel about expanding the retroactivity, as Mark did not raise the issue. Still, it is a hell of a thing when a state can execute someone after having their death penalty statute declared unconstitutional twice in the last 18 months.
I write to you from the other side â the side that awaits you if you donât change your course of action soon.
I know you are going through an extremely difficult time right now as you seek independence while trying to figure out your identity. Most teenagers find themselves doing the same thing. Your friends are very influential right now, and I understand that no one wants to be shunned by their peers, but please believe me when I say what you have been doing to impress them and gain acceptance is NOT who you are and will only lead you down a path of self-destruction.
I know you started drinking because you are very shy and wanted to come out of your shell, but if you knew what I knew, youâd stop right now. You wouldnât pick up another drink if you knew you would become a full-blown alcoholic within the next two years; if you knew your alcoholism would eventually cause you to tragically take two innocent lives by drinking and driving, leading to a seventeen-and-a-half year prison sentence! Martin, youâre better than that! Youâre smarter than that and can make it in this world by pursuing what makes you happy â not what others want or expect from you.
You have so much potential. I see it beneath your bravado, tough-guy exterior. You donât have to put up this facade with me â I know you . . . better than you will ever know! Youâre not a gangster, thug, or tough guy â who are you kidding? No, youâre passionate about art and writing, so why not pursue those with everything in you? Trust me, you will not regret taking this path in life; it sure beats the alternative â the one that surely awaits you if you stay on the destructive path youâre currently on.
Man, if you only knew the pain youâre putting your mom through by going to jail for those stolen car escapades you and your brother have been going on with your so called friends. Are you crazy?! Youâre already putting yourself in a category that makes it more likely youâll end up in prison than college! How do you think your mom will feel about that? Believe me, Martin, her pain will be immense. In fact, it very well could contribute to her death some years from now! You donât want that on your conscience, do you? But imagine how happy she would be if you did what youâve always talked about doing, going to college to be an architect.
You donât want to be where I am, where youâll be told when you can shower, use the phone, watch TV, eat, and go to bed. You donât want to miss your nieces and nephewâs birthdays and Christmases for the next seventeen and a half years, do you? It is beyond dejecting to have to watch them grow up in pictures and visits every six months or so. Trust me, that would make you regret every decision you are currently making in your life, Martin.
There are countless men where I am who routinely reflect on their lives when they were your age, expressing how they wished they had made different choices that would have kept them from this dreaded place. I am amongst them. I pray you change soon so youâre not counted among us as well. Change before itâs too late!
I see what you and your friends do. Where do you think that will lead you? Seriously, I want you to take a moment and ponder where you think those things will get you. Do you think there is a future in doing drugs, drinking, and stealing? Look around you; name one successful alcoholic or drug addict! Listen, Iâm not here to lecture you; I never liked that either when I was your age, but as I now sit here in a concrete cell staring out of a narrow window into a courtyard with a basketball hoop and barbed wire, a huge part of me wishes I had paid attention to what those older people were trying to tell me. Clearly they knew things I didnât, even though I thought I knew what I was doing. I only tell you these things because I love you and donât want to see you end up here â this dreaded place that surely awaits you if you keep on your treacherous path. They even already have a number assigned to you if and when you show up here!
I want you to reject what those who claim to be your friends want you to do because when you really think about it, you should be able to see they donât have your best interest at heart. Be true to yourself, believe in yourself, and give yourself a chance â you deserve it. Deny these people the opportunity of ever being able to use that state inmate identification number â ever!
Weâre excited to offer the third in Eric Burnhamâs five-part series on “The Four Agreements,” by bestselling author Don Miguel Ruiz. In the book, Ruiz reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, The Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
The next agreement to be made with yourself is: Don’t take anything personally. It’s natural to personalize how you are treated. The ability to not personalize anything is learned, and it takes lots of practice. Without a doubt, some things are easier to brush off than others, but the way you are treated is rarely a referendum upon your person or character. Truth be told, you’re not that important. Other people are the most important characters in the unfolding story of their lives, not you. That’s just an existential truth.Â
Some people are inconsiderate, selfish jerks. Some are loud, obnoxious, and difficult. Others make broad, sweeping statements and over-generalizations designed to offend as many as possible. Still others are simply too stupid to realize their own ignorance. There are bullies, pushovers, snipers, haters, and snakes. There are those who don’t care about anything and those who care about everything. There are users, abusers, looters, and polluters. You can’t change them–and it isn’t your responsibility to do so. How they treat you, however, says far more about them than it does you.Â
Of course it goes without saying that the opinions and actions of those whom you hold in higher esteem carry more weight; you’ll be more disappointed or offended by their dishonest or unethical actions, and their slights and insults will hurt more. Yet even how they treat you only becomes about you when you personalize it. It’s far better to choose to grow through the experience, rather than be limited by self-consciousness or enslaved to anger and self-doubt.Â
There’s an old adage that holds life to be 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. While that’s admittedly over simplistic, some truth can be found there. Basically, how you respond to the circumstances of your life and the people around you will determine not only your degree of personal growth, but also how you feel about yourself. When you allow the words and actions of others to dictate your emotions and ensuing behaviors, you are not in control of your life. Other people are controlling you, your life, and ultimately, your destiny–even if you think they’re not. That’s the quirky thing about objective truth: It’s true whether you believe it or not.
Consequently, if life is only 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react, then taking things personally will profoundly impact your reactions. Personalizing and catastrophizing leads to anxiety, unrest, and resentment. You’ll never find peace, fulfillment, and self-assurance by personalizing the way you are treated. Even if you reach your goals, you’ll be miserable if you’re unrealistically expecting others to treat you the way you think you should be treated. You’ll be stuck wrapped up in a need for validation and affirmation that will never come.Â
Everyone is in a different stage of personal development, and you’re never completely aware of what is going on in someone else’s life. But you are aware of what’s going on in yours. If you strive to be a good person, and you adhere to these four agreements, you can find lasting peace. Don’t take anything personally â things are never as bad as they feel.Â
It took several agonizing months of listening to cellmate’s stories before I realized that my innocence didn’t matter. At fifty-one, I’d had a pretty full life. So, what really matters?
This 17-year-old African American boy, arrested in front of school merely because he stood next to somebody suspected of a robbery, was in real trouble. By all accounts, he won’t have a future. A felony will abruptly cut short his high school career, and possibly his life.
The police report he shows me rules him out as a suspect. The accomplice he’s alleged to be wears dreadlocks and has a good four inches and thirty pounds on him. Neither the police nor the prosecutor thinks this matters. He will likely plea out because he doesn’t have the resources to fight them. He’s just another defendant, a black one at that, to his court-appointed attorney. To the prosecutor: another notch in her lipstick case. The public doesn’t know and likely wouldn’t care if they knew his story. “He shouldn’t have been smoking in front of the school,” they’d probably say.
I spend hours on the phone at sixty cents per minute, convincing my sister to “sell it all.” She does, but can’t bear to sell my truck.
“I want you to have it when you get out of prison,” she says.
“It really doesn’t matter,” I say. “It’s just stuff.”
Nine months later, at the Holliday transfer unit, I’m in line for commissary when I see the boy from county. He signed for a year probation, violated, and was sentenced to five years in the penitentiary. I tell him I’m sorry.
“It doesn’t matter,” he says. I try not to cry.
My sister and I talk on the phone a lot. The rate is much cheaper than it was in county. It’s only twenty-one cents per minute. We decide to start an organization to help people like the young man I couldn’t help. We call it Adopt an Inmate. Dot Org. I talk on the phone and my sister does all the work.
“It doesn’t matter,” she says. “I think I’ve found my calling.”
Two and-a-half more years pass. I am on the phone with my sister.
“I have bad news,” she says. She draws out the story, hoping to soften the blow. This only increases the suspense. Turns out my truck is probably totaled. Her voice breaks. The accident is fresh.
“What about you?” I ask. “Are you hurt?”
“Well … I don’t know how but I seem to have hurt my pinky.”
A split-second later and she would be a no-answer.
I don’t care about the truck she cries for. She’s disappointed because she wanted to preserve just one thing of the life I had before. But it really doesn’t matter. God preserved what really matters. I and hundreds of adopted inmates around the country know what really matters.
Footnote: I vividly remember talking to my brother on the phone while sorting through his belongings, asking him what to sell and what to keep. Craigslist shoppers were traipsing through his house, looking for bargains. Most everything he had was sold or given away in our desperate rush to clear out his house in a few days – once we finally accepted that he was not going to be released anytime soon. We couldn’t afford to keep paying rent on his place in Texas. Then about a year later, the same with my belongings, when I decided to move from California to my mother’s house in Oregon, to be with family until the trial. It was easy to get rid of most of my stuff – except for a few loved items. I can still hear my brother’s voice, “You know what? You don’t need it.” Of course he was right. Sold!
His truck was totaled. We had just paid it off the month before, four years into the nightmare. My mom and I felt like warriors. For a week or so.
The good news is that my brother was just approved for parole. Also, my pinky is healing. Now we just have to figure out what he’s going to drive.
We receive over 1,000 pieces of mail each month, and are currently overwhelmed with requests from inmates and their families. Everything we do is accomplished only with the help of volunteers, small donations, and money from our own pockets. As of September 2017, we are taking a six-month hiatus from NEW INMATE REQUESTS ONLY, so that we can respond to what is already in front of us.
We care, and are dedicated to getting everyone on our waiting list (now and in the future) adopted. This temporary break from new requests will help us do that.
â„ This does NOT apply to new adopters or volunteers – only to inmates who are not currently on our waiting list.
â„ For anyone who has already requested a survey, please be patient while we respond – it could take several months but we will answer everyone’s request. Requests that included a self-addressed stamped envelope will be responded to first.
â„ For inmates who have already received a survey – please complete and return (kindly write “completed survey” on the outside of the envelope.)
Inmates â Do continue to submit:
â„ Inmate change of address (please write “COA” on the envelope)
â„ Art / Poetry / Book Reviews / Writing submissions (please indicate on outside of envelope)
Received via Corrlinks (the email system for BOP [Federal] inmates) today from our friend Mickey:
Gosh, It’s so great to be out of the Hole after 35 days!Â
It feels super weird to me after being locked in a 12′ x 8′ cell for over a month with the window covered.
Honestly, I can’t believe in 2017 that they are still allowed to do that to people. It has to stop! It’s ridiculous!
I just wanted to say Hi ; – ) and see how you are doing? I heard it’s rough out there in the Free World???
I haven’t heard from many of you in a while but i pray that you are well and hope to hear from you soon.
I am almost down to 100 days until I go to halfway house in Philly December 6th, 2017. These last few months are creeping along but thanks for supporting me with your; letters, pics, prayers, love. I’m very grateful, Thank You : – )
Remember that the BOP changed their policy and now they want you to send letters on white paper in white envelopes with no stickers, not even return address labels. You can still print out letters on your computer. Some people have gone to using a stamp for the return address or typing or hand writing it. I am so sorry for the change.
Well, have a great week, my friends. Be well and take care of yourself.
This is a little ironic, considering BOP uses to and from labels (stickers) on the envelopes that the prisoners use. But there you go – if we do it, it’s now considered contraband and the mail is rejected. Any excuse to limit outside contact for prisoners. Disgusting.
Relief may be in sight for hundreds of heat-sensitive inmates at the Pack Unit northwest of Houston.
State officials on Thursday are set to roll out their plan for providing cool living quarters for medically vulnerable inmates at the geriatric facility after a federal judge found the swampy indoor conditions amounted to “cruel and unusual punishment.”
While U.S. District Judge Keith Ellison has not ordered the state to install air conditioning, his emergency injunction on July 19 called for cooled beds for 475 inmates who take medication or have diabetes, high blood pressure and other conditions that make it hard for their bodies to fight the heat.
The ruling marked a turning point in the federal civil rights lawsuit, which has drawn national attention to the rights of people who lack the authority to adjust the thermostat and the freedom to leave the premises.
Witnesses testified that inmates and guards alike had fainted from indoor temperatures that sometimes surpass 100 degrees. One inmate testified about heat-induced vomiting and another recalled a headache that felt like an ice pick to the brain.
Ellison ruled that officials at the Texas Department of Criminal Justice obstructed remedies and showed “deliberate indifference” to inmate suffering. He gave them until Aug. 8 to implement the plan, a draft of which is expected to be submitted to the court Thursday.
About 80 percent of Texas prison inmates are assigned to living units without air conditioning, even during heat waves, according to Jason Clark, a spokesman for TDCJ.
Since 1977, county jails across Texas have required that indoor temperature be kept between 65 and 85 degrees. All but seven of the 122 federal facilities run by the Bureau of Prisons offer air conditioning, an official said. Even the federal detention center at Guantanamo Bay, which drew attention for the treatment of high-profile international prisoners, has cooling units.
TDCJ has not yet responded to a request by the Houston Chronicle for the total number of heat-sensitive inmates in state custody. However, prisoners’ rights advocates estimate that thousands of people are under official “heat protection” designation at Texas facilities that lack air conditioning.
Jennifer Erschabek, executive director of Texas Inmate Families Association, said she hopes state officials will consider the fate of its most vulnerable charges when implementing changes at the Pack Unit.
“I can easily say there are thousands of people in the system who are on heart medication, diabetes medication, or have HIV, Hepatitis C or psychotropic medications that make them heat sensitive in these dire conditions,” said Erschabek, whose group conducts an informal heat survey each year among inmates families.
“People need to be housed in a place where it’s not a life and death situation for them in the summer,” she said.
Erschabek said her organization has had small victories in addressing inmate grievances related to heat waves. Her group reached out to wardens at six TDCJ units where guards were reportedly unresponsive to inmates afflicted by extreme heat or failed to provide sufficient water, ice or cold showers. In every instance, she said, the wardens and regional directors took action.
Melissa Brown, who runs a group called Adopt an Inmate, said she hopes TDCJ will extend heat protection fixes at the Pack Unit to all inmates.
“The whole ‘heat-restricted’ thing is absurd because inside the cells it can be over 120 degrees, with 90 percent humidity,” she said. “There is no inmate that isn’t medically compromised in those conditions.”
Brown said prison transfer units, such as Holliday, Gurney, Garza East and Garza West, have metal roofs and no windows, so on hot days the floor fans just blow hot air around. She has heard reports of inmates smashing windows at another unit to get air flow during the hot months.
The 2014 lawsuit filed in Houston was brought by six inmates at the Pack Unit after summer heat waves in 2011 and 2012 caused multiple inmates across the state to die from heat stroke. Since 1998, 23 inmates have died of hyperthermia, or heat stroke, in Texas prisons.
Ellison noted in his recent ruling that heat deaths â in the free world or otherwise â are commonly under reported, since other medical problems contribute.
The Pack lawsuit is among 10 lawsuits filed in Ellison’s court by attorneys from Edwards Law in Austin and the Texas Civil Rights Project. Eight families of inmates who died of heatstroke have brought wrongful death suits and another inmate who survived a heat stroke has also sued TDCJ.
In the Pack case, Ellison ruled that the inmates were likely to win at trial because the conditions they’ve endured violate the Eighth Amendment’s prohibition against cruel and unusual punishment.
In addition to the remedies for heat-sensitive inmates, Ellison ordered the prison to improve access to respite areas, develop a heat-wave policy and other measures.
State officials have said they plan to appeal the ruling to the Fifth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals. In the meantime, they must comply with the judge’s injunction. Ellison’s order remains in effect for 90 days, carrying through the hottest months.
Local prison rights advocates say the prison heat problem should be treated as a humanitarian concern.
“It’s a human rights issue because these people do not have an option to go somewhere or do anything to enable them to cool off,” Erschabek said. “They wet the concrete to lay down on cool concrete and put a fan on themselves but it’s just biding time until the weather cools down. It’s just horrendous.”
Following the spate of heat deaths in 2011 and 2012, the Human Rights Clinic at University of Texas Law School spent two years interviewing TDCJ inmates about the heat.
Professor Ariel Dulitsky, a human rights lawyer who runs the clinic, said researchers concluded the state’s treatment amounts to cruelty and torture, in violation of a United Nations Convention.
“All these people are under the absolute control of Texas, of the state, and everything that happens to them is viewed through the actions or omissions of the state,” he said. “At the end of the day, many of these situations amount to torture.”
He said it is a matter his students brought to the attention of the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights in October 2014, but TDCJ officials declined an invitation to respond to the law students’ allegations.
Dulitsky said the students concluded that Texas had violated international law.
“Due to the amount of suffering inflicted on many inmates, Texas is implicated in torturing inmates,” he said. “If Texas does not remedy the situation it will implicate the U.S., not just Texas.”
My brother lives in an old farm house in Ohio with this great front yard of plush green grass that in the heart of the season is carpeted with the most beautiful and brightest yellow dandelions youâve ever seen. I remember when my son was about 5 and he commented, âWow!â as his eyes lit up so brightly they could only be matched by the beautiful carpet of nature that lay before him, inviting the run he couldnât wait to get started on.
Itâs been said that if you come out of the penal system a better person than when you went in, itâs in spite of the system, not because of the system. One thing that Iâve been able to have a perspective of gratitude for through this whole experience is the awareness I gained through the deprivation of basically everything beautiful. This awareness has not come without effort though, and I have found practices like meditation and limiting myself of the few distractions that are afforded prisoners such as television sports, television movies, television series, etc., etc., etc.
But one thing that snuck in through the periphery of my self-imposed safety line, was a commercial about a weed killing product that targets only certain vegetation in a given area. The computer generated depiction shows this fellow barbecuing on his plush, green back yard and he gets annoyed at one, yes one lone dandelion that supposedly could potentially ruin his entire experience. Cut to the spreader throwing the killer chemical all over the yard and this one lone beautiful creation, no matter where you think the creation originated, catches the bulk of this toxin, withering it to oblivion so the man can get on with his barbeque in perfection.
This is particularly sad and disturbing because this method of fooling the human psyche works. Itâs not that we shouldnât strive to be better people, but being misled to believe that we can ever achieve perfection even close to the beauty and intricacy of something as delicate as a dandelion while we are poisoning the air with chemically treated charcoal, our bodies with preservative based ingredients, and drug filled meat that has altered the course of development of the human body, and, the very ground that all life is dependent on to every extent for survival.
My hope for mankind is not diminished over my life or even through the horrific experience of the Amerikan system of injustice, but may have actually increased the need to see through the ruse knowing that perfection is not something we will ever be able to create as we double our efforts at destroying the perfection thatâs been blooming right before our eyes long before the merchant quest for power, comfort, and separateness.
Stand Still. Each day we must strive to combat the currents we dive beneath, breathing through entropy in which our souls atrophy. Tides of compromise, competing desires through all ills repeating, please born of the iron bounds of loving debts as hounds harrying us all form the cloud. It clings and pulls, a viewless shroud in power like gravity culling me, my soul a cavity empty of hope and vigor – by forces I’m set into rigor.
Stand still. Amid the chaos my isle of peace sloughs the dross; entropy and gravity fail as powers fit to assail my soul. The clamor of voices pleading, demanding, choices endless, confusing … subside. No more the forces collide as inchoate calamity; they live with equanimity, seamless in series with calls for my aid, courteous as thralls. Stand still? To aid them I strive. As calm in the eye, I’ll survive.
Weâre excited to offer the second in Eric Burnhamâs five-part series based on “The Four Agreements,” by bestselling author Don Miguel Ruiz. In the book, Ruiz reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, The Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love.
Be Impeccable With Your Word
As I said before, the Four Agreements are a set of fundamentals in the form of a contract made with oneself. The purpose of the agreements is to grow into a more authentic and congruent person. When someone is genuine in his or her approach to life, and outward behaviors align with and flow from internalized values, that person will be more confident, self-assured, and capable of success, experiencing a significant reduction in anxiety and stress.
The first agreement that should be made with yourself is to be impeccable with your word. “Impeccable” means “flawless or incapable of sin,” and “sin” means “to transgress divine law” or “to miss the mark.” This, obviously, requires a little explanation, so let’s unfold it.
Words are gifts, and words matter. When words are formed into weapons and used to intentionally deceive or harm others, the divine principles of honesty and integrity are violated. These principles are intended to preserve the social attributes that distinguish humans from animals â human beings have a choice to uphold that distinction or to tear it down; while animals do not have that choice. The animal kingdom knows nothing of morality or immorality, only survival; whereas in the kingdom of humankind, survival of the species depends upon both individual and collective morality. Therefore, it’s not much of a leap to conclude the uniquely human ability to freely form and direct words must be counterbalanced against the responsibility to behave in ways that build others up, rather than tear them down. When words are used to deceive, harm, or inflate oneself at the expense of others, they miss the mark for which they were designed. Words were never intended to be tools of destruction.
To be impeccable with your word means choosing honesty, even when it hurts. It means avoiding gossip, even when its taste is pleasing to the tongue. It means readily admitting faults and taking immediate responsibility for mistakes and failures. It means being kind when you don’t have to be. It means respecting those who may not deserve it. It means speaking ill of none. It means knowing when to speak and when to remain quiet. It means keeping your promises and doing what you’ve said you’ll do â and not doing what you’ve said you won’t. It means being humble enough to apologize when you’re wrong. And it means speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves.
However, being impeccable with your word does not mean being perfect, and it does not mean always being right. It means you have a dedication to the pursuit of the truth, wherever it leads, and it requires courage, perseverance, and humility. A person who measures his words, avoiding hyperbolic embellishment, confronting narcissistic self-interest, and resting in the authority of objectivity, is a soaring eagle howled at by chasing dogs â both out of reach and incomprehensible. Be impeccable with your word.
Footnote: I vividly remember talking to my brother on the phone while sorting through his belongings, asking him what to sell and what to keep. Craigslist shoppers were traipsing through his house, looking for bargains. Most everything he had was sold or given away in our desperate rush to clear out his house in a few days – once we finally accepted that he was not going to be released anytime soon. We couldn’t afford to keep paying rent on his place in Texas. Then about a year later, the same with my belongings, when I decided to move from California to my mother’s house in Oregon, to be with family until the trial. It was easy to get rid of most of my stuff – except for a few loved items. I can still hear my brother’s voice, “You know what? You don’t need it.” Of course he was right. Sold!
